Showing posts with label job. Show all posts
E = Employee. C = Company
Story I
E: Do u have a boyfriend?
C: I have.
E: Is he working Locally?
C: No. He is working Overseas.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u !
C: Why?
E: U will not be able to settle down here permanently. And my Company don't
want to pay extra expenses on the Overseas calls just because of u.
Story II
E: Any girl friends?
C: No.
E: So far chased any before?
C: Have, but not successful.
E: Ever think of getting a job first then start looking for a girlfriend?
C: Career is first priority. Currently didn't want to consider This personal
issue.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ u.
C: Why?
E: You are lacking of P.R skills and confidence!!
Story III
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: Not quite.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you.
C: Why? Will this affect your company's reputation?
E: No, it does not affect the company's reputation but because My company is
dealing with arts, our company requested an artist.
Story IV
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she pretty?
C: yes
E: Is she your first lover?
C: Yes.
E: Sorry, we can't employ you because you lack of fighting spirit.
Story V
E: Any girlfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is she your first lover?
C: No. Have a few already.
E: Sorry, my company cannot employ you because you are a "grasshopper" ! (Job
hoper lah!)
Story VI
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich?
C: No.
E: Then sorry, my company cannot employ you because our Company is dealing
with money and you will seduce.
Story VII
E: Any boyfriends?
C: Yes.
E: Is he rich ?
C: Yes, very rich.He owns a company.
E: Sorry, we cannot employ you because your boyfriend don't Even want to
employ you, neither do we!
C: But,...... there is no position in his company.
E: Then,..... what is your qualification?
C: Secretary!
E: Sorry, we still cannot employ you because your prettiness Will affect
your managers' working spirits.
C: But,...... I am not pretty at all.
E: It is even worse because my managers will not be interested In you!!
Job Requirement
Posted in candidates, eligible, girl friend, job, recruitment, referral, requirement, wife
There is an urgent requirement for following Position...
Please apply ASAP (Eligible candidates only) .
Applications are invited for the following post. The package and incentives are mentioned below.
Designation : Associate Girl Friend ( Trainee )
- Experience : FRESHER (Experienced candidate Can apply )
- Age : only 18 to 28( higher age girl need not apply). Should be committed to work for 24*7.
-
- Skills Required: Good looking, Fair
- Preference would be given to beauty contest winner.
- No preference would be given to any degree/diploma.
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --
Perks and incentives.
Total gross ( Monthly ) : 3 gifts worth 300/-
30 bike rides each duration 2 hours
20 trips to Selective place in Chennai/Banglore/Hyderabad/Mumbai/Kolkatta/NCR Kulfis / Chocobars at a regular gap of 3 days
10
Daily Provision of Vada Pav /Samosa Pav /Pakoda worth of 5/-
4 movies ( On choice ) per month on every weekend in PVR / IMAX DOME / CINEMAX / FAME
Visits to Big Bazar, Life Style, Pubs and various malls.
Pair of Jeans or T-shirts according to Demand
Net Deductions ( Monthly ) : Provident Fund and Service taxes to be informed on joining
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
REFERRAL BONUS WILL BE GIVEN AS PER THE POLICY / IF PERFORMANCE IS HIGH THEN WILL BE PROMOTED TO NEXT GRADE "WOULD BE" AND THEN TO "WIFE" IN 2 YEARS
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- -
All short listed candidates will be intimated over phone.
We would appreciate if you can refer / ask more potential candidates to meet the Recruitment team at the earliest
Note: Ex-girl friends will not be eligible for any referral benefits
Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window.
Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door.
Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyze the situation.
If they are counting bricks. Put them in the accounts department.
If they are recounting them. Put them in auditing.
If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks. Put them in engineering.
If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order. Put them in planning.
If they are throwing the bricks at each other. Put them in operations.
If they are sleeping. Put them in security.
If they have broken the bricks into pieces. Put them in information technology .
If they are sitting idle. Put them in human resources.
If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has been moved. Put them in sales.
If they have already left for the day. Put them in marketing.
If they are staring out of the window. Put them on strategic planning.
And then last but not least. If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been moved.
Congratulate them
and
put them in
Top Management............!
Is khushi ke mauke pe likhta hoon choti si ek kavita
yaad aayega sabko ke ek saal me kya-kya bita
ek acchaa job mil jaye sabke dil me thi yeh aas
Bande jaate the walk-in me ban-than ke ekdum jhakaas
hamesha dhoonda karte koi ladki hain kya aas-paas
roz kiya karte the wo apti,C, Unix ya koi aur bakwaas
par nothing can beat the 'Analysis of Algorithms' ka trash !!!
har walk in mein socha karte ke job mil jaye aaj
kal nahi soya to kya hua sounga mein job mil jane ke baad
Har ek round k results ke liye kitne hote hum bekaraar
din bhar tension me karte results ka intezaar
sabka dil diya karta tha bas yehi ek pukaar
ke is baar to ho jaye apni naiyya paar !!!
yaad hain mujhe kuch mere wo khushnaseeb yaar
jinka roz hua karta walk-in me sweet-sweet pyaar
duniya se chupte-chupate roz karte dil ka izhaar
aur poocha to kehte ' we're just friends yaar ' !!!
aakhir aa hi gayi hum sab ki bichadne ki baari
koi gayaMNC me to kisi ne shaadi karke jindagi savari
sab kaam pe lag gaye ek-ek ... baari-baari
bas reh gayi apni yaadein khatti-meethi pyaari-pyaari !!!
ab bhi yaad aati hain mujhe wo ' Results out ' ki pukaar
kya pata kyu hum sab bichad gaye yaar
dil me hain jo baat keh deta hoon ek baar
tum jahan bhi ho dosto yaad aaoge baar baar
