Man:I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man:I guess you're pretty good at pleasing yourself then.

Man:I want to give myself to you.
Woman:Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
Man:Oh, just cheap perfume then.

Man:Your hair color is fabulous.
Woman:Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man:Is that also where you got your eyelashes and colored contacts?

Man:You look like a dream.
Woman:Go back to sleep.
Man:You mean this isn't a nightmare?

Man:I can tell that you want me.
Woman:Yes, I want you to leave.
Man:Well, I wasn't planning on doing you HERE!

Man:Hey, baby, what's your sign?
Woman:Do not enter, -OR- Stop.
Man:Really? You look more like a "Yield."

Man:Your body is like a temple.
Woman:Sorry, there are no services today.
Man:Here's a donation to restore the exterior.

Man:Is this seat empty?
Woman:Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man:[Looking away] Honey, there's two here!

Man:What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?
Woman:What's it like being the biggest liar in the world?
Man:You're right. I was lying.

Man:Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman:Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.
Man:Well, I guess you really don't belong in the men's room anyway.


Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.
Man: So that's how you got the moustache.

Man: "Want to dance?"
Woman: "No, thank you."
Man: "Don't thank me, thank God somebody asked you."

Man: You're pretty
Woman: Piss off.
Man: Don't interrupt, You're pretty... ugly.

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
(I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear " the rules "
From the female side.


Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1.Men are NOT mind readers.


1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.See a doctor.

1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not wor th the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape.Round IS a shape!