The 1st Affair

A married man was having an affair

with his secretary.

One day they went to her place

and made love all afternoon.

Exhausted, they fell asleep

and woke up at 8 PM .

The man hurriedly dressed

and told his lover to take his shoes

outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.

He put on his shoes and drove home.

'Where have you been?' his wife demanded.

'I can't lie to you,' he replied,

'I'm having an affair with my secretary.

We had sex all afternoon.'

She looked down at his shoes and said:

'You lying bastard!

You've been playing golf!'


The 2nd Affair

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters

but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time

for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant

and delivered a healthy baby boy.

The joyful father rushed to the nursery

to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child

he had ever seen.

He told his wife: 'There's no way I can

be the father of this baby.

Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered!

Have you been fooling around behind my back?'

The wife smiled sweetly and replied:

'Not this time!'

The 3rd Affair

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz,

about to be cremated,

and made a startling discovery.

Schwartz had the largest private part

he had ever seen!

'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,' the mortician

commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated

with such an impressive private part.

It must be saved for posterity.'

So, he removed it,

stuffed it into his briefcase,

and took it home

'I have something to show

you won't believe,' he said to his wife,

opening his briefcase.

'My God!' the wife exclaimed,

'Schwartz is dead!

The 4th Affair

A woman was in bed with her lover

when she heard her husband

opening the front door.

'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'

She rubbed baby oil all over him,

then dusted him with talcum powder.

'Don't move until I tell you,'

she said, 'pretend you're a statue.'

'What's this?' the husband inquired

as he entered the room.

'Oh it's a statue,' she replied,

'the Smiths bought one and I liked it

so I got one for us, too.'

No more was said,

not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up,

went to the kitchen and returned

with a sandwich and a beer..

'Here,' he said to the statue, have this.

I stood like that for two days at the Smiths

and nobody offered me a damned thing.'

The 5th Affair

A man walked into a cafe,

went to the bar and ordered a beer.

'Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent.'

'One Cent?' the man exclaimed..

He glanced at the menu and asked:

'How much for a nice juicy steak

and a bottle of wine?'

'A nickel,' the barman replied.

'A nickel?' exclaimed the man.

'Where's the guy who owns this place?'

The bartender replied:

'Upstairs, with my wife.'

The man asked: 'What's he doing upstairs

with your wife?'

The bartender replied:

'The same thing I'm doing

to his business down here.'

The 6th Affair

Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.

He looked up and said weakly:

'I have something I must confess.'

'There's no need to, 'his wife replied.

'No,' he insisted,

'I want to die in peace.

I slept with your sister, your best friend,

her best friend, and your mother!'

'I know,' she replied,

'now just rest and let the poison work..'

A certain rich businessman had a beautiful daughter, who fell in
love with a guy who was a cleaner.

When the girl's father came to know about their love, he did not
like it at all, and so began to protest about it.

Now it happened that the two lovers decided to leave their homes
for a happy future. The girl's father started searching for the two
lovers but could not find them.

At last, he accepted their love and asked them to come back home in
a local newspaper. Her father said "If you both come back I will
allow you to marry the guy you love, I accept that you loved each
other t truly."

So in this way, their love won and they returned home.
The couple went t o town to shop for the wedding dress. He was
dressed in white shirt that day. While he was crossing the road to the
other side to get some drinks for his wife, a car came and hit him and he died
on the spot. The girl lost her senses. It was only after sometimes that
she recovered from her shock. The funeral and cremation was the very
next day because he had died horribly.

Two nights later, the girl's mother had a dream in which she saw an
old lady. The old lady asked her mother to wash the blood stains of the
guy from her daughter's dress as soon as possible. But her mother
ignored the dream.

The next night her father had the same dream, he also ignored it.
Then when the girl had the same dream the next night, she woke up in
fear and told her mother about the dream. Her mother asked her to wash
the clothes which have blood stains immediately.

she washed t he stains but some remained. Next night she again had
the same dream she again washed the stains but some still remained.

Next night she again had the same dream and this time the old lady
gave her a last warning to wash the blood stain, or else something
terrible will happen. This time the girl tried her best to wash the
stains, and the clothes nearly tore, but some stains still remained.

She was very tired.

In the late evening the same day while she was alone at home,
someone knocked the door. When she opened the door she saw the same old
lady of her dream standing at her door. She got very scared and fainted.

The old lady woke her up... and gave her a blue object, which
shocked the girl. She asked "What is this...?"
The old lady replied...

"Try Surf Excel Washing powder... just a dab and it will remove all
stubborn stains!!!" .

Stop All Criticism - Criticism never changes a thing. Refuse to criticize yourself. Accept yourself exactly as you are. Everybody changes. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive.


Don't Scare Yourself - Stop terrorizing yourself with your thoughts. It's a dreadful way to live. Find a mental image that gives you pleasure (mine is yellow roses), and immediately switch your scary thought to a pleasure thought.


Be Gentle And Kind And Patient - Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking. Treat yourself as you would someone you really loved.


Be Kind To Your Mind - Self hatred is only hating your own thoughts. Don't hate yourself for having the thoughts. Gently change your thoughts.


Praise Yourself - Criticism breaks down the inner spirit. Praise builds it up. Praise yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing.


Support Yourself - Find ways to support yourself. Reach out to friends and allow them to help you. It is being strong to ask for help when you need it.


Be Loving To Your Negatives - Acknowledge that you created them to fulfill a need. Now, you are finding new, positive ways to fulfill those needs. So, lovingly release the old negative patterns.


Take Care Of Your Body - Learn about nutrition. What kind of fuel does your body need to have optimum energy and vitality? Learn about exercise. What kind of exercise can you enjoy? Cherish and revere the temple you live in.


Mirror Work - Look into your eyes often. Express this growing sense of love you have for yourself. Forgive yourself looking into the mirror. Talk to your parents looking into the mirror. Forgive them too. At least once a day say: "I love you, I really love you."


Love Yourself .. Do It Now - Don't wait until you get well, or lose the weight, or get the new job, or the new relationship. Begin now -- and do the best you can.

If you love some one because you think that he or she is really gorgeous ....

then it's not love .. it's " Infatuation "



If you love some one because you think that you shouldn't leave him because others think that you shouldn't ...

then it's not love.. it's "Compromise"



If you love some one because you have been kissed by him ...

then it's not love.. it's "Inferiority complex"



If you love some one because you cannot leave him thinking that it would hurt his feelings ...

then it's not love .. it's "Charity"



If you love some one because you share every thing with him ...

then it's not love... it's "Friendship"



BUT...



If you feel the pain of the other person more than him even when he is stable and you cry for him ...

that's "LOVE"



If you get attracted to other people but stay with him without any regrets...

that's "LOVE"



If you let him go knowing that he has to go but he doesn't want to ...

that's "LOVE"

1. I gave you life, but cannot live it for you.
2. I can give you directions, but I cannot be there to lead you.
3. I can take you to church, but I cannot make you believe.
4. I can buy you beautiful clothes,but I cannot make you beautiful inside.
5. I can give you love, but I cannot force it upon you.
6. I can teach you to share, but I cannot make you unselfish.
7. I can teach you respect, but I cannot force you to show honor.
8. I can advise you about friends, but cannot choose them for you.
9. I can tell you about alcohol & drugs,but I cannot say "no" for you.
10. I can tell you about lofty goals, but I cannot achieve them for you.
11. I can teach you about kindness, but I cannot force you to be gracious.
12. I can pray for you, but I cannot make you walk with God.
13. I can tell you how to live, but I cannot give you eternal life.
14. I can love you with unconditional love all of my life.... and I will.

This happened abruptly…… a man in the thirties was in a lonely place as he used to admire the beauties of nature…..

Another man suddenly came from nowhere a dagger in his hand and he hit him violently piercing his belly, his dagger getting the other part at the back……. It was a long arm pointed, razor like….

The wounded man holding his belly, bleeding, looked in the eyes of the one who hit him interrogatively…… the killer was shocked on looking at his prey and says..” oh I am very sorry… I mistook identity, I thought you were the person I had to kill but its not you!!!.. Sorry for the mistake….but it’s too late…I must run away from here now……. So said he was soon lost in nature….

Now the wounded man, bleeding a lot from the wound tried to contact his wife…. He called on her mobile, but she was not taking the call as she was busy somewhere in her works…

So this wounded man wrote this as SMS to her……

“Darling I am wounded, there is nobody here, I am all alone, someone hit me with a big knife, I am hit in the abdomen and am bleeding a lot…. Don’t know either I will come out of this…. if in case I die….so…. you be happy, don’t worry about me… you will anyhow have to live…. The show must go on sweetheart… life is very beautiful, do live it… I am sorry I won’t be near you any more darling…. As I said to you numerous times before… life is to be lived be it tough, hard, difficult or what….
I AM BLEEDING A LOT SWEETHEART…. MY HEART IS BEATING TOO FAST… I AM FEELING WEAK, THERE IS DARKNESS IN FRONT OF MY EYES, ITS BLURRED EVERYWHERE NOW…. IT’S BURNING WHERE HE HIT ME BABY…. BLOOD IS GOING ON OOZING…HE SAID HE MISSED IDENTITY…HE IS A KILLER AND HE WAS TO KILL SOMEBODY ELSE BUT HE MISTOOK ME FOR THAT PERSON… HE APPOLOGIZED AND THEN HE RAN AWAY….I LET HIM GO AS I SAW THE GUILT IN HIS EYES…

JAAN, MY HEART IS NOT GETTING ENOUGH BLOOD TO PUMP…. IT SEEMS IT WILL STOP BEATING NOW…AAH… MY HANDS AND LEGS ARE NOW SHAKING… I WONT BE ABLE TO WRITE MORE NOW… I CAN’T EVEN SEE WHAT I AM TYPING ON THE MOBILE…I AM DYING LOVE, I AM LEAVING YOU, LEAVING THIS BEAUTIFUL WORLD NOW…. I WISHED TO LIVE MORE, I DON’T WANT TO GO BUT I AM ALONE HERE NOT A SINGLE LIFE SEEN HERE…OOHH!! … PLEASE DO FORGIVE ME IF EVER I HURT YOU BABY… I TRIED MY BEST TO BE A GOOD HUSBAND, I ALWAYS HELPED YOU OUT IN EVERY TASK, I ALWAYS DID MY BEST TO BE WITH YOU, I WISH I COULD STAY NEAR YOU FOR THE NEXT 100 YEARS… BUT IT SEEMS DESTINY WANTS THE CONTRARY…. I AM SO SORRY AND SAD THAT WE DON’T HAVE ANY KIDS… HAD WE HAVE ONE I WOULD BE RELIEVED THAT YOU HAVE SOMEONE TO LIVE WITH….. BUT SO SAD EVEN AFTER 17 YEARS OF MARIED LIFE WE HAD NONE DESPITE THE FREQUENTS VISITS TO THE GYNAECOLOGIST… I FEEL SAD NOBODY CALLED ME ‘DAD’… BUT NEVER MIND LOVE, YOU WERE BY MY SIDE THAT WAS MORE THAN ENOUGH FOR ME…. YOU KNOW IT, MUST I REPEAT THAT I LOVED YOU, LOVE YOU AND WILL ALWAYS DO MY DARLING WIFE…I WILL ASK THIS QUESTION WITH GOD AFTER MEETING HIM WHY DID HE SEPARATE US WHEN HE KNOWS IT SO WELL THAT WE LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH!!! MAY BE HE HAS A REASON… BUT I FIND IT CRUEL FROM HIS PART….
DO PAINT THE ROOM WHICH YOU WISHED TO BE PAINTED WHITE… SORRY I WILL NOT BE THERE TO DO IT NOW… DO LOCK THE GATE EVERY NIGHT BEFORE YOU GO TO SLEEP, DON’T GO OUT AFTER 9 PM, DO YOUR PC WORKS BEFORE 11 AND GO TO SLEEP BEFORE MIDNIGHT,…. TELL SAM I HAVE FORGIVEN HIM, ASK HIM NOT TO BEAR ANY GRUDGE WHEN I AM GONE… MY HEART IS BEATING TOO FAST NOW… I CAN FEEL AND HEAR IT… IT IS MISSING SOME BEATS… MY LEGS ARE SHAKING TOO MUCH….EVEN MY FINGERS ARE DOING SO… I CANT SEE NOW YET I AM TYPING THESE MESSAGES WITHOUT SEEING… I AM JUST FEELING THE KEYS TO TYPE…I HAVE WORRIES, HOW WILL YOU GO TO THE MARKET AS YOU NEVER WENT WITHOUT ME, HOW WILL YOU DO THE SHOPPING AT THE MALL AS YOU NEVER DID WITHOUT ME, HOW WILL YOU GO TO DO ALL THE THINGS WHICH USUSALLY I WAS DOING, HOW WILL YOU COPE WITH THE ODDS AS YOU WERE ALWAYS LEAVING ALL ODDS FOR ME.. I AM VERY WORRIED FOR YOU BABY… HOW WILL YOU DO ALL THAT WITHOUT ME??... YOU WILL BE HANDICAPPED!!THATS WHY I ALWAYS TOLD YOU TO DO THINGS BY YOURSELF….YOU WERE COUNTING TOO MUCH ON ME BABY… NOW YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO DO POWER POINT PRESENTATION ALL ALONE, I WONT BE THERE TO DO IT FOR YOU BABY… ALL THAT I WAS DOING FOR YOU ON THE PC MUST BE DONE BY YOURSELF!!! I WONDER HOW YOU WILL COPE… I WISH I COULD BE BACK THERE TO DO ALL THAT FOR YOU MY LOVE…
BY THE TIME YOU READ THIS I WILL BE NO MORE…. FORGIVE ME DARLING… I DID NOT SUCCEED TO BE BY YOUR SIDE FOR AS LONG AS I PROMISED… MY LIPS ARE SHAKING NOW …AND TEARS ARE MIXED WITH BLOOD ON MY LIPS… I AM EVEN BLEEDING FROM THE NOSE AND MOUTH… MY THROAT IS STICKY…I WISH TO HAVE SOME CHILLED WATER SWEETHEART…. CAN YOU GET ME SOME?...ONLY A SIP WILL DO… I L O V E Y O U… W I LL A L W A Y S DO…”

…And the man died far from his beloved wife whom he loved more than anyone in the world. He had no one else apart from her and she had no one else apart from him…

What is Love???

A group of 4 to 8 year-olds was asked, "What does love mean?"
The answers they gave were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined.


--"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend
over and paint her toe nails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all
the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love." (Rebecca - age 8)


--"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is
different. You know that your name is safe in their mouth." (Billy - age 4)


--"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of
your French fries without making them give you any of theirs." (Chrissy - age 6 )


--"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired." ( Terri - age 4 )

--"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she
takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK." (Danny - age 7)

--"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he
wears it everyday" (Tina - age 7)


--"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who
are still friends even after they know each other so well." (Tommy - age 6 )


--"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and scared. I
looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling!
He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore. That's love" (Cindy -age 8)


--"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone
else kissing me to sleep at night." (Clare - Age 5)


--"Love is when mommy gives daddy the best piece of
chicken." (Elaine - age 5)

--"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you
left him alone all day." (Mary Ann - age 4 )

Na Ye Chemistry Hoti , Na Mein Student Hota
Na Ye Lab. Hoti Na Ye Accident Hota

Abhi Practical Mein Aaye Nazar Ek Ladki
Sundar Thi Naak Uski Test Tube Jaisi
Baaton Mein Uski Glucose Ki Mithas Thi
Sanson Mein Ester Ki Khushbu Bhi Sath Thi

Aankhon Se Jhalakta Tha Kuch Is Tarah Ka Pyaar
Bin Piye Hi Ho Jata Tha Alcohol Ka Khumar
Benzene Sa Hota Tha Uski Presence Ka Ehsas
Andhere Mein Hota Tha Radium Ka Abhas

Nazrein Milleen, Reaction Hua
Kuch Is Tarah Love Ka Production Hua
Lagne Lage Us Ke Ghar Ke Chakkar Aise
Nucleus Ke Charon Taraf Electron Hon Jaise

Us Din Hamare Test Ka Confirmation Hua
Jab Uske Daddy Se Hamara Introduction Hua
Sun Kar Hamari Baat Woh Aise Uchal Pade
Ignition Tube Mein Jaise Sodium Bhadak Uthe
Woh Bole, Hosh Mein Aao, Pahchano Apni Auqat
Iron Mil Nahin Sakta Kabhi Gold Ke Sath

Ye Sun Kar Tuta Hamare Armanon Bhara Beaker
Aur Hum Chup Rahe Benzaldehyde Ka Kadwa Ghoont Pi Kar
Ab Us Ki Yaadon Ke Siwa Hamara Kam Chalta Na Tha
Aur Lab Mein Hamare Dil Ke Siva Kuch Aur Jalta Na Tha
Zindagi Ho Gayee Unsaturated Hydrocarbon Ki Tarah
Aur Hum Phirte Hain Awara Hydrogen Ki Tarhan