Showing posts with label fools. Show all posts
I'm watching my favorite show (Koffee With Karan 
There's a agitated lady on the phone.
Lady: "Hello? BSNL? My phone has not been working for...."
Me (interrupting) : "I think you have the wrong number"
Lady: "Oh! I'm sorry..."
and I hang up the phone. 3 seconds later, it rings again. It's the same lady.
Lady: "Hello? BSNL? My phone is not working..."
Me: "Ma'am, the number you are dialing is the wrong number!", and hang up the phone.
I return to the TV show. It's a juicy episode with Rakhee Savant, and she's bitching about Kareena. And the phone rings again.
Lady: "Hello? BSNL? Listen, don't play games with me, OK? I know this is the right number. Don't try to avoid me. Do you know who I am?"
I realized that this lady was not going to let me watch the show unless someone listened to her complaint.
Me: "Welcome to BSNL's automated fault booking service. To continue in English, press one."
beep
The lady had actually pressed the '1' on her dial pad. Interesting. I thought I'd have some fun.
Me: "To register a complaint, please press the last 5 digits of your Driving License number after the beep. BEEP"
I can hear the lady furiously rummaging through her bag looking for her Driving License. After a while
beep-beep-beep-beep-beep
She had actually found it pretty fast.
Me: "Because of all the SPAM we have been receiving, we will now perform a check to see if you are human. Please enter the result of 35 multiplied by 4 divided by 12"
I can hear the lady shouting out to someone in the background.
Lady: "Prakash, quick! What is 35 times 4 by 12?"
Prakash: "What? Why do you need that?"
Lady: "I'm registering a complaint for our dead phone"
Prakash (sounding somewhat confused): "But why would you need..."
Lady: "JUST ANSWER THE DAMN QUESTION"
Prakash: "err..it's...aaaa...elevent point....errr..."
beep-beep
The lady actually enters 1-1 on the dial pad.
Me: "Your complaint has been registered. Thank you for calling BSNL"
The lady sounds pleased. I can hear her speaking to "Prakash"
Lady: "I like BSNL. They have such a high tech system. They didn't even have to ask me for the number of our landline that is dead. Cool!"
What is the difference between men and women?
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
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2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
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3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
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4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
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5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
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6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
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7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
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8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
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9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
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10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
1. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
*******
2. Men wake up as good-looking as when they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
*******
3. A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.
*******
4. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
*******
5. There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman- before and after marriage.
*******
6. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
*******
7. To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
*******
8. Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
*******
9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
*******
10. Women look at a wedding as the beginning of romance, while men look at a wedding as the ending of romance.
Height of Honesty - A pregnant woman asking the bus conductor for one & a half ticket.
Height of Confusion - Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles.
Height of Foolishness - A guy peeping through the keyhole of a glass door.
Height of Itch - A fat man hanging (upside down) from a roof trying to scratch.
Height of Competition:
1.A guy peeing beside a waterfall.
Height of Bravery: A naked man bending over to pick up a quarter on an island of gays.
Height of Technology: Condom with zip.
Height of Penetration: A baby girl born pregnant.
Height of salesmanship: Monkey selling bananas
Height of laziness: A man marrying a pregnant woman
Height of coincidence: My Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time.
Height of Frustration: A boxer trying to scratch.
Height of Trouble: A one handed man hanging from a cliff and his arse is itching.
The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in October 1995, between a US Navy ship and The British authorities, off the Scottish North coast.
The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.
BRITISH : Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid collision.
US Navy : Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.
BRITISH : Negative.You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Navy : This is the Captain of US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
BRITISH : Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
US NAVY : THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE
DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.
DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THATS 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
BRITISH : We are a lighthouse. Your move.
